What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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