My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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