Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
