hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
