I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
