shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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