Porn is love you can see.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
