my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
