it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
