Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
