you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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