He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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