I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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