shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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