no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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