hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
