I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
