If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
