i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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