My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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