Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
