U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
