this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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