I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
