i don't like sucking hair
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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