I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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