Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
