I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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