My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
