This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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