As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
NoShamevember. You game?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
