Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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