awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
