you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
