i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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