The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
