She is in my trunk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
