he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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