The maid of honor just puked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
