are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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