To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
