please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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