i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.