I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.