you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.