i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single