I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
