she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.