Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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