I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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