I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You left your phone here
Wait...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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