PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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