Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
