I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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