I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
