No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
