Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
