I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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