just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
