Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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