Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
