The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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