how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
