so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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