Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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