my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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