i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
