I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
