can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
