i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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