I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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