she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
