Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
