Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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