Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
