Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
