her vagina looked like bernie madoff
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
