Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
