we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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