literally had 100 drinks last night.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
